f 7inchSlam.com: Playing Ketchup on 2007


Playing Ketchup on 2007

Great pun, eh? I kill me. I must say, I do believe I've hit the point in my life where the concept of putting ketchup on any food significantly repulses me. Even when treading back to the fried potato and its many uses, I would prefer hot sauce, Heinz 57, or even a more vinegar-based thinner ketchup like Momma A cans back home in West Virginia. But enough about that. Seems people were quite stoked to see us back yesterday. Luckily, I still have a hard drive full of food pictures, so let's get down to it with a quick wrap-up of the end of the year. There should be some more fun posted later today as well.

Do you have a favorite sandwich that you make? I've invented a few in my day. I've even prepared some here on the blog. But I've decided in the last few months that I have one true sandwich love: the tuna melt. Never before has a deli food captured my flitting attention span like this one. My old man taught me how to make tuna salad back when I was a young man, and I've held onto his version ever since. For starters, here is the recipe:

You need to start with the following, I'm basically making these measurements up:

1 medium onion, diced (I prefer the yellow ones, but any kind will do, red ones look great)
2-4 cans of Chunk Light tuna in water (I like Star-Kist, but whatever works)
2 stalks fresh celery, diced
Heinz Spicy Brown Mustard
Mayonnaise (probably three tbsp.)
1 lemon, cut into wedges
1/4 cup dill relish
Salt and pepper to taste

Mix the tuna, onion, and celery. Add the relish and mayo while stirring. Squeeze two lemon wedges over the mixture. Add salt and pepper. Put it in the fridge for three hours or so. When it's cold and mixed and all that, slap it on some bread and melt with colby-jack, cheddar, whatever yellow cheese you dig. Add tomato if you're a boss like me. This is so simple and tastes so fucking awesome. You'll know when it's good. Just keep adding more of the ingredients till you get what you want. With olive oil bread, tomato, and colby-jack, you get something like this:

I would recommend going heavier on the pepper than the salt. I don't dig sodium that much, know what I mean?

So since I've been eating false "healthy" sandwiches like that, you may as well see the other stupid thing I eat when I'm broke that no one else ever touches. This, however, is not dripping with mayo and cheese, and it's vegetarian to boot. So whatevs, I'll tell you about this one. This dish came from an idea Lil' Suzz got from our family friends The Sofskys back in WV. Cook some macaroni, throw some Bragg's Amino Acids on it, and you have a cheap meal that will fill you up. And while that tastes good and all, I was spending most of my food money on fruits and vegetables and other stuff at the super-market and I figured this dish could be improved upon.

So what I did was prepare and chop up a bunch of normal vegetables: garlic, carrots, celery, tomatoes, onions, zucchini, and mung bean sprouts. Boil your macaroni, dump all this stuff in a pan with a tiny bit of olive oil (and a secret pat of butter), then slowly add the cooked macaroni a little at a time and keep squirting it with Bragg's. Add the tomatoes last. Add some spices (whatever you like, I don't care), then top it off with Sriracha and mix it together. Cook it for about ten minutes and you're gold. So if you're one of those shitty "foodie" punks who spends your parents' money getting Thai food every night, fuck you. When you've almost shot your wad and spent your last dollars on records and booze, you can spend eight dollars, cook this, and eat reasonably well for about four days. So I'm adding this to my Best of 2007, and since it doesn't have a name I'm going to christen it: "Hey, I'm Fucking Broke" Pasta. It got me through a lot of rough times concerning my financial situation, and now that I'm back in the game and HAVIN' THANGS, I still cook it anyway.

You can post all the food porn you'd like on YOUR food blog, but these pictures probably aren't great and I'm sure you think this dish sucks. Let me be the first to assure you, it does not. Moving on...

Finally, on the food front, Lil' Suzz has also taken to baking muffins around the house. When I came home last week, she pulled these banana-nut muffins straight from the oven. Eating these while they're hot is an intense and passionate sensation. I try to stay away from sugar as much as I can, but life isn't worth living if you deprive yourself everyday. For those with a sweet-tooth:

And to top off my Best of 2007, let's get to some records. Well, let's get to a band who put out some records. Say hello to The Lamps.

The Lamps are one of my current favorites and along with the likes of Cheater Slicks, Goodnight Loving, Sonic Chicken 4, and some other great bands, their second LP released on In The Red wormed its way into my brain with plodding Cro-Magnon drums and gritty, over-worked, mashing guitar noise that coagulate to form a slime that seeps all over the pronounced bassline that is the glue of every track. No wonder Lamps bassist Tim Ford has an eponymous song written about him on their new 7" on Hook or Crook.

The Lamps hit the gut like watching a treasured knick-knack hitting a hardwood floor in slow-motion. Those afraid of raw harsh screams, guitar tones that threaten to pin your ears open, and debased weirdo lyrics look elsewhere. While not as vile or misanthropic as a peer like Brainbombs, the Lamps present a more modern take on testicle-wrenching noisy punk. And when you can shake the riff of opener "Eliseo" on the new S/T LP (with the lion artwork up above) from your brain, you are blown back again with the next cut. Much like a good yoga class, the Lamps leave you feeling exhausted. And sometimes I need that the most.

I have more written about this record for my Top 10 coming soon on Terminal Boredom (hopefully this week, so when that happens I'll link you there). Pictured above you can see the Lamps discography, minus the V/A split on Borox. All these records are necessary purchases if you can find them (the foreign stuff may be tough, especially the SSLD 7" - limited to 256 or so; and I believe the first 12" is OOP as well), so start digging on eBay. Those are some of the things I really liked last year. Hope you can handle it.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm anti-ketchup as well, but Steve. That pasta...eeeeeeesh!

1:13 PM  
Blogger Dale said...

The world NEEDS a 7inchSlam cookbook. None of that lo-fi layout shit though. FULL COLOR BABY!!!!

11:18 PM  

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