f 7inchSlam.com: Wake and Bake


Wake and Bake

We're back! And from the desk of Lil' Schleep:

Once again, I'm here to wake our site up and let you know our blog still exists and that we're also going to keep at it until we are given free money. For the past few months, I've been dealing with a winter that won't end and a bunch of yutzes making my brain melt into a puddle of synapses and dirty thoughts in all facets of my daily life. But I still managed to eat all the food and buy all the records, so I thought I'd step my blog game up today and show you what's been happening for a couple months in my world. This is going to be pretty picture-intensive and I apologize for the camera phone pictures, but I am not this guy so I am not carrying a camera anywhere that I don't have a press pass or other opportunities for Mapplethorpe-esque perversions.

For starters, here's a few silly ones:

I've been eating a lot of SECRET SANDWICHES lately. Naturally, these are the best kind of sandwiches in the world. First we have one I whipped up under cover of night when John-Boy and Lil' Suzz were getting all the schleep:

This may look a little crazy, but it is in fact Stagno's fresh Italian bread sliced up with some great roast beef, fresh mozzarella, mung bean sprouts, tomato, onion, and Sriracha chili sauce. This was a winner coming out of the broiler piping hot. Don't sleep on sprouts, people.

Up next, we got a little Twin Peaks action today. Here we see the infamous "brie and butter" sandwich favored by our two favorite brotherly miscreants, Ben and Jerry Horne. This sandwich doesn't photograph well due to butter melting and brie being, well, white, but I recommend everyone reading now to get yourself some fancy cheese and get that baguette tasting sumptuous.

Up next we have a grilled cheese that really hit the spot. Fresh mozz, tomato, alfalfa sprouts, and pesto combine to create a decadent treat even John-Boy-like hippies can destroy.

Pair it with some Garden Vegetable soup and a little bit of Pabst (in your favorite coolie, of course) and you have a fancy secret meal you can prepare for yourself instead of just getting drunk and eating cubes of Velveeta and thinking about why life sucks.

Then maybe you can have your dumb-ass buddies over for some beers. WHAZAAAAP BOSS.

Here's a secret burger I made while everyone was busy lying on the couch to escape the cold. You can't see it, but this was a jalapeno burger (diced jalapenos in with the meat) topped with Buffalo sauce, provolone, tomato, and onion. This put me on the couch, too. But then I watched some secret Larry and everything was allllllll-right.

And naturally, I like to have a Mike and Tony's gyro (my favorite in our fine city and only four blocks away!) every couple weeks or so. Hey Lil' Schleep!

I also got lend a hand to Hone and Carmela's Moving Spectacular. They were so grateful that they got us these Triangle subs (one Italian and one turkey... hoping for more of these soon!). I unfortunately also helped drink most of the beer they bought and ended up hungover and with a cold, but it was worth it!

Then I stole a ciabatta sandwich from work with some awesome sprouts and kettle chips. I assume there may have been free pizza that day, too. I wish Au Bon Pain catered here everyday. Also, I have been eating a lot of roast beef, apparently:

And of course I had to document the first BBQ of the year. Sadly, we got one day of this due to shit-life weather, but with Momma A's homemade potato salad, a great cheeseburger, some fruit salad, and a big fat sweet Italian sausage, I was in heaven!

There might even be a Franktuary Chicago dog. You never know!

I also don't want to forget about the excellent club sandwich I had from Pamela's in Squirrel Hill. This hit the spot on a hungover morning with Ciggy, Dev, and JB. I also tried mustard instead of mayo this time to extremely satisfactory results. Note that I got home fries and not French fries, because I am what they would call: NOT A LIL' BITCH.

I'd also like to give a shout-out to this DEEP-FRIED TURKEY I had at an Easter cookout last week:

And while I apologize for the cameraphone picture quality here, I thought I'd rub it in about what I had at the office Christmas party this past year. For reference, note that there is a server in the top right hand corner, so if you look at her hands I think you can guess how big this table of shrimp, crab claws, and oysters was. I filled up on this for two hours and was the first one to leave before 180 people had gotten to it.

Mercy, that was quite a bellyful.

Moving on, we have quite a few records to discuss as well today. Two LP's I've been hyped on lately are California's Haunted George (Steve Pallow of Necessary Evils fame and one of my favorite singers) and Memphis' KAZALOK. Both of these records make great mood modifiers, with George's dusty take on frightening desert soundtracks, sounding like pre-WWI Americana warped through demented country blues and sounding all the better for it. I really enjoy the green/black limited vinyl, and it's in the Top 3 Best-Looking Records I Own club now. Check it out on Hook or Crook; there may still be some colored vinyl left.

KAZALOK are warped in a whole different way. I actually got to hang with these guys when they showed up in Pittsburgh and somehow got my number from who-knows-who last summer. Well, these dudes have released a banger of a 12" EP on Shake Your Ass Records with six songs of varying styles and textures. From the punk bashing of "CIA" to the lilting melodies of "Caspian Sea" (a one-two punch good enough for any band), these dudes mix up psyche and punk and folk and rock to create a record my sister now calls "her favorite in the world right now". But then again, she likes drinking wine and wearing sweatpants, so you be the judge. All I can say is this is recommended for fans of well-made songs, wacky instrumentation, and you should really pick it up right-quick from Goner or wherever you can!

As for EP's, here's what I have for you today. I'll keep it short:

For starters, let's get to Cheap Time! My good buddy Jeff Novak has surpassed all his previous efforts with this snotty little mash-up of early LA punk and teenage who-gives-a-shit that has already netted them this debut release on Sweet Rot and an upcoming LP on In The Red! I also have the limited CD-R and I can say everything I've heard that they have recorded smokes! Don't miss out, white vinyl's gone already!

Top Ten recently came here back from Radio Heartbeat and played a great set to about four people. This is less sugary than Tina's glossier power-pop efforts, but it still maintains the brash poppy punk sensibilities her bands are known for, despite me hating the Bobbyteens and Trashwomen and whatever other shit she was doing. I prefer her take on Travis Ramin's tunes in the Total Babes, but then again, I am debonair and some people listen to the Mentors. Needless to say. Top Ten is great stuff! Think Cheap Trick, Ramones, and much-too-tight clothing!

Gentleman Jesse and His Men played one of the best sets of the year here and put out a 45 to match it. I got to share the stage with these guys last month, and if you think this is just a one-off, you are wrong, brother. Perfect, and I mean, perfect Rickenbacker power-pop coming off as the Jam/Elvis C. with a little of Nick Lowe's GOOD stuff (AKA two songs on Jesus of Cool) for good measure. Pick this up while it's in print on Douchemaster. I missed the colored vinyl and am currently hitting my balls with a hammer about it.

Brainbombs: I don't need to say anything about possibly the greatest band of the last 20 years.

I also finally picked up the Tyrades Blood Sister EP. I only need the Die Slaughterhaus EP and I've got everything, so let me know if you've got a double! Anyway, I wish I had picked this one up when I saw it everyday at Brave New World. The Tyrades may be done, but those records won't be breaking anytime soon and I can relive the one time I saw this band over in my head for the rest of my life. You already know how great this is, and Lowery finally didn't fuck this one up.

Tuff Bananas have risen out of the ashes of the Catholic Boys for some good-time keyboard driven FUN PUNK. I just copped this single last week and while it took a couple of spins, I can safely say seeing this band would be great and I'm anxious to hear another 45. This is dopey and dancey and a perfect record for good spring weather, so check it out on Three Dimensional Records and look out for their Dusty Medical 45 coming up!

Finally, we've got the Tokyo Electron "Put a Charge In You" EP on Shattered. I was not an early fan of these dudes since no one could find the SSLD single and I didn't care for all the Jay Reatard hype on various nerd portals on our fabulous interweb, but suffice it to say, I WAS WRONG. Get this and get the LP and get whatever you can find. These guys take the scuzzy blues-punk most Euro bands have ruined and turned it into songs with big hooks! Imagine that, blues-punk with big hooks! Well, that makes it just about perfect for me. This label may be done, but I think you can find this record somewhere out there. The riff of "Innocent" killed anything recorded by any musician last year. Do yourself a favor.

So that's it for right now. We'll all be back as soon as John and Hone get their lives together. But we're loving every minute of it.

*Posted by Steve

PS: This entry was John Rando approved. He says FUCK HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.

See ya!

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Blogger Inhuman Eating Machine said...

Man, those secret sandwiches look amazing! With one exception. Alfalfa sprouts on a grille cheese? Heck no! As a teen I worked at a health food store. Everyday, the owner's wife made sandwiches for the deli case. They all had sprouts in 'em. While making sandwiches one day, out of the blue, she looks at me and says, "Alfalfa sprouts smell exactly like man-cum." I poked my head into the tub of sprouts and I'll be jiggered if she wasn't 100% correct! Smell some alfalfa sprouts next time you're making a secret sandwich. I DARE YOU to tell me I'm wrong. Sprout=jizz.

Love your blog for real. BTW, my new food-oriented blog, INHUMAN EATING MACHINE, is coming within the month. I'll let you know when it's up and running. And if you send me your address, I'll send you some Touch-Me-Nots records to write about between sandwiches.

Bon appetit,

3:47 PM  
Blogger Dos Mutantes said...

tuff bananas myspace is actually http://www.myspace.com/bananashalalalala

5:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hate the trashwomen??? i'm over you, steve!!!!

5:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

By chance when you were shlamming shrimp at the office party, did some jagoff say to you, "Hey Steve! The ocean just called. They're runnin' outta shrimp!" If this indeed did happen, I have some snappy comebacks you can use if you need them.

P.S. Suck on my bozack you ho-mo.

5:35 PM  
Blogger Baby Pop said...

Sandwish p0rn. Mmmm....make me a mix tape smorgasbord.

12:19 PM  
Blogger girl said...

taiji took me to pamela's on forbes... shit was on point. their cheesy potato stuff, yum.

10:37 PM  

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