f 7inchSlam.com: The Art of Being a Gentleman and a Sleazebag

9.05.2006

The Art of Being a Gentleman and a Sleazebag

Are you into being sleazy? Slamming greasy food? Listening to punk records? Getting chicks? Being wasted? Of course you are. You're a grade-A sleazebag.

So am I.

But its also important in life to be a gentleman. Show some class, you punk rockers! There's nothing wrong with putting down the Pabst from time to time and enjoying a nice bottle of wine. Get a haircut, read a book, be an adult for christ's sake!

These two extremes aren't mutually exclusive of one another. They can exist in perfect harmony. You can be a classy, cultured, sleazebag. Here's how:

Start off with something sleazy, like a giant sub and french fries. College kids slam subs and fries all the time. But this isn't delta delta daterape, so we'll class it up a little. Put the Steak-Umms back in the freezer.

Cut up some eggplant and zucchini and saute them in olive oil. While they're cooking slice up some onion, garlic, and peppers. I used some green bell pepper and half a jalepeno, you can use whatever you want, a red pepper might be nice for color. Stir in all the veggies with the eggplant and zucchini, and keep them moving because they burn easily.

If you're gonna want fries with this sub, and trust me, you are, then do them the way no fast food joint ever will. I sliced up three kinds of potatoes, a sweet potato, a yam, and a russet, into thin strips. Toss 'em all in a bowl with a little olive oil. Add some spices, I used red pepper flakes and oregano, and mix them up to make sure everything gets coated. Bake them at 375 or so. I could've deep fried these, but remember, we're being civilized, classy, sleazebags. We care about our health, and basicly we don't wanna get fat.

Forget about the fries for about a half an hour, they'll do their thing. After you saute the veggies for the sandwich, slice up a couple tomato slices and put them on a fresh baked roll. Top that with the sauted eggplant and zucchini mixture, and top that with some fresh cheese. Kraft American Singles aren't gonna cut it here, buddy. I used a nice slice of provolone, and added a little more red pepper and oregano. Put the sub together and put the whole thing in the oven for just a couple minutes. This is so much better than anything any college kid ever walked out of Subway with.

We made a sub and fries go from frat boy classic to something you'd serve your parents, if you ever even bothered to go see them, which you don't. We need a record that's a punk rock classic, but something that Henry Rollins didn't write while lifting weights. We need something fun, a little poppy, definetly nothing political, we need a classy record to go with this classy meal.

The Exploding Hearts first and only LP, Guitar Romantic is what I'd call a classy record. You guys already know that, you probably already love this band. And you should love them, they've got everything a poppy record should have. This record is incredibly catchy, and while it is a poppy record, its not more than you can stomach. This is powerpop, the way the Paul Collins Beat meant for it to be done. This is the record you give to somebody when you wanna get them into good music. This is the record you give to chicks. This is just... the record. And not only is this a hot record that you probably already love, Dirtnap Records is gonna reissue Guitar Romantic on vinyl, as well as a CD with some more rare songs, and video footage. Look for that this Halloween.

So be a sleazebag, its a lot of fun! But be a gentleman at the same time. All your friends are probably passed out on the couch with porn mags and cigarette butts strewn about the house. You can easily outclass them with a little eggplant and a hot record. Get to work!

Posted by John

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1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

John-

This is Suzi's friend Rachel. For being the worst kid ever, this is the best post ever- I loved it!

10:15 AM  

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